If you’re a driver like me, you recognize that there are plenty jackasses driving around. Well…I’m getting a little sick of them, so here is a quick list of ways to avoid being that jackass driver that everyone hates and/or honks.
1. Drive at or above the speed limit. Everyone has somewhere to go…and even if you’re the jackass who doesn’t, don’t make it so obvious. DRIVE YOUR CAR!
2. Just because you signal, doesn’t mean you can automatically shift lanes. Last I remember learning, you signal to show intention to merge, THEN you look to ensure it’s safe to do so, WHEN it is safe, THEN you do so. You do not just signal and dart wherever you please. This is what causes accidents. I don’t need another at fault to my name so please stop the carelessness.
3. Just because the ground is a little wet, doesn’t mean you have to drive like you’re going to someone’s funeral. Please see #1. I get it, it has rained, you’re scared you’ll lose traction…call me a dare devil, but…please see #1.
4. I don’t know you. I don’t owe you anything. So, if I slow down and allow you to merge (once you haven’t done #2), please, say thank you! Am I asking for too much? A little hand wave…something? Acknowledge the fact that I didn’t have to, but I did. Show some appreciation so I don’t take it out on the next guy who is trying to merge in front of me. Drivers have become so entitled. I didn’t have to let you in. I could have been the asshole that I probably really wanted to be, by speeding up and not letting you in. So, some gratitude is much appreciated. 🙂
5. DO NOT, come in front of me (when you see me following #1) and disobey rule #1! Is this not head banging-ly annoying? Don’t be that jackass. You want to come into my lane, then keep up with the people in my lane. Don’t come in it to slow it down. We have places to go.
6. Stay out of the fast lane (passing lane) if you’re not going at least 10km over the speed limit. We call it the fast lane for a reason. Obey the unwritten rules of the road. Us speeders have places to go and police cars to avoid. Ludacris said it best, “Move b&%#*! Get out the way!…”
7. Extended honks are only necessary for people who have tried to kill you. Don’t annoy everyone else on the road by holding your horn for 2mins. We get it…the jackass gets it…don’t be annoying. Unless they tried to run over your child, ease up off the horn. It’s really not necessary and you end up penalizing us all.
8. Green means go. So…go! I get it, we all have smart phones, we all want to check those messages, texts, BBMs, social media smut, all that junk that isn’t even important. I totally get that we feel less dangerous waiting until red lights to check it. Whichever…I won’t tackle that today because 97% of drivers with smart phones are guilty of that. But please…multitask, or actually obey the law and put the phone down, because unfortunately, I may just have to violate #7 if you don’t go when the light is green.
9. Don’t box in drivers! This is what happens when you and two other jackasses are violating numbers 1, 3, 5 & 6. It’s gotta be one of those “I want to honk your asssssss!” moments for me. Do you jackasses plan this? If you see one car is busy trying to get to where they gotta go, don’t organize that you and your 2 other friends will box her in, therefore giving her no choice but to go just as pathetically slow as you all. UGH!
Alright…I can’t think of any more, although I know there have GOT to be tons more that I’m just forgetting. Help me out. What are some basic road rules that jackass drivers need to follow? Add yours in the comment section below. And remember, don’t get hated, don’t get honked, don’t be a jackass driver!